How can I discuss my husband's weight gain with him, without sounding like a shallow bitch?
I adore my husband. I don’t think I deserve such a loving man, and I go through times of crying daily out of gratitude.
As long as I have known him, he has been considered obese. Most members of his family are also overweight, and genetics do play a factor, but my husband has had a higher BMI than any of his family members for longer than the entirety of his adult life. I did not care about his weight initially, especially since he was more active than the skinny little thing I was.
This isn’t a matter of just not getting exercise and overeating. He exercised more than I did, and he still does (though I’m catching up in that area), and I’ve always been the one who eats more.
Since our marriage, he has gained more and more. He is only in his thirties; but he has recently begun to wheeze daily and use a walking stick, insisting he doesn’t need an electric scooter when I know that he has gotten to the point that he does.
I have also gained since our marriage, yet I am still on the slender side. Our bodies were built in completely different ways. My weight gain has come largely from pregnancy and perimenopause whereas his gain does not seem to have a medical explanation. At any rate, I would feel like a hypocrite talking to him about his weight gain when anyone can see that I have also gained. I also don’t want him to feel bad because my gain is not something worth caring about while his is something potentially dangerous.
Furthermore, my husband views me as a smart nonconforming woman who looks beyond appearances. He is more than used to skinny people exaggerating the health risks of fat people and badgering them to lose weight, and he thinks that I am a wonderful exception. The last thing I want to be is a shallow bitch who insists that her household to be perfect.
I wish there was a way that I could tell my husband that I am worried about him without coming across as shallow and clueless, and hypocritical. I also wish that my husband took better care of himself. He tries to take care of everyone else, never himself. Still, I can’t blame him for not being fond of doctors; I’ve seen their prejudice against him, thinking that everything has to be a result of his weight.
Help, please?
Tagged with: adult life • bmi • different ways • electric scooter • family members • genetics • google • gratitude • health risks • hypocrite • loving man • marriage • medical explanation • Perimenopause • pregnancy • script type • text javascript • thirties • walking stick • weight gain
Filed under: Perimenopause
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awwwww he sounds so sweet i just wana hug him lol
i work with doctors everyday so i know how they can come off as condescending if youre not how they think u need to be (even if it isnt your fault)
Yes people do freak out over the health risks of being overweight. but thats because they are such real and scary risks. I work with tons of overweight people in the hospital who have the same problem saying they cant lose weight but once they have their first heart attack or sustain kidney damage or are diagnosed with arteriosclerosis its funny how willing they suddenly become to lose weight..
Its obvious u love your husband to death and because of that it should be worth it for you to (kindlyy) tell him that youre scared!! youre scared wat is going to happen to him, you dont want to lose him because of this! He cannn get help, its not going to be easy and yea u may end up dealing with some not-so-pleasnt people, but isnt it worth it to get rid of the weight that is shortening his life span?
And u may have tried this already but just in case I strongly suggest you see and endocrinologist to check his thyroid and make sure its functioning properly and a general practitioner should do tests to see if he has a metabolic disorder.
I really hope everything works out for him and you my heart goes out to you. Just really do show him its not because you care about his appearance its that you dont want anything to happen to the person you love.
You know a perfect way to do it? Show him this question
Show him this effort
I would appreciate it
When I saw the title of this question, I though you must be a woman complaining about her husband having a bit of a belly instead of the six pack abs he used to have.
But you’re actually talking about a man who is not just dangerously overweight, but obese.
If he’s at the point where he needs a scooter to get around then he needs to know how much damage he is doing to himself.
You won’t sound shallow.
If you were complaining about his lack of visible abs, then you would seem shallow, but your husband is obese, by the sounds of it dangerously so.
Talk to him about his weight, see how he feels about it and if you can, try and figure out how he got this way in the first place – genetics may play a part but are by no means the be all and end all of the problem.
Focus on the health and medical aspects of his weight, rather than on his appearance.
you’re not insisting that he be perfect, you’re thinking of his health, and his happiness.
You sound like an intelligent and caring woman, in no way are you being shallow, and he should be able to see that.
Good Luck.